What were you thinking: 10 lame excuses for missing work

You remembered the first time you missed the deadline for your assignment. You thought it was a Sunday, but the secretary (of the English Department) gave you a cold stare. And then she asked you if you were a huge fan of tennis. You were confused, as you thought that she was finding a common interest. It turned out that she couldn't forget the match between Christ Evert and Virginia Wade during the 1980 Wightman Cup. It was a close one, she pointed. Wade could have won it, but she blamed her shoelaces for the turnaround. She wasn't a sore loser, you thought. But the secretary gave you another cold stare. You knew that you couldn't afford to miss another deadline.

Old habits seemed to die hard, as you missed work last week. It was your first time, and you had your reasons. You had an upset stomach, which would affect your form. But you didn't tell the entire story. (You missed the gym for several months, which led to your love handles. You didn't notice it until you had a hard time to compress your abs while fitting in your trousers. And then you split it. You didn't find the time to buy another pair.) You met your former housemates a few weeks later, and the topic of conversation turned out to excuses (for missing work). Everyone was laughing out hard, as it was one lame excuse after another. You wouldn't dare repeat what you heard the next time you missed work, but you were tempted to tell it. There was no doubt that it would be fun, but you don't want to risk termination.

For the sake of amusement, you came up with the ten (lame) excuses for missing work. Here they are:

Your girlfriend was abducted. You could have been straight to the point and tell your boss that you haven't moved on from your breakup (with your ex). You kept on repeating the lyrics of Michael Johnson's "Doors", which your neighbor overheard one morning. He thought you were mad.

Your pet cat didn't come home. You forgot to feed him, so he ended up at your neighbor's. And it turned out that he loved Persian cats.

An airplane crashed at the end of the road. You wanted a holiday, but you didn't save for it.

You've been sunbathing, and your fingers were burnt. Spring isn't over. Yet.

Snow blindness. You missed winter.

A wall fell on you. You've been dreaming a lot.

You fell up the stairs. It might be down the stairs. Make up your mind.

Your mother ran off with her neighbor. Your poor mother.

There was a dead cow on the railway. It did happen, but it was a few weeks ago. And you couldn't think of another excuse.

You couldn't find your shoes. You've been too careless these past weeks. You have a social life, which seemed to take too much of your free time. And you became absent-minded at times. But you don't mind.

What would be a better excuse? Your head got stuck in a saucepan. A dog came up to you, and he ended up sick in your suit. You fell out of your bed. Think of another one.